It was a Monday afternoon.

I was sitting in bed working (read: procrastinating) on an upcoming essay when the infamous “heyy” text lit up my screen. Here we go again, I thought to myself.

That’s usually the case with modern dating, isn’t it? You match on Tinder, talk for a bit, inevitably lose interest and then never speak again. But sometimes, in times of raging hormones and desperation, you get that “heyy” or “you up?” text. They usually come through late at night, and the longer the “heyyyyyyy” the more drunk their senders are. Not this time, though—this one came in at 2:40pm.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Hey, nothing much. Just Uni stuff, wbu?” I could’ve ignored his text but I was bored (and if I hadn’t replied, I wouldn’t be here telling you this story). We texted back and forth about University, his new apartment and his music.

“So what brought you out of the shadows?” I asked. The last time we’d spoken had been a year ago and it hadn’t been a conversation exciting enough to remember.

“It’s not what you think,” he said.

“Oh, and what am I thinking?”

“That I want to hook up? Well, I don’t.”

I shrugged. We talked a little bit more about chocolates and my brand new hobby, pole dancing, until he responded by calling me Caramel. This was an alias, alluding to my skin colour, that my close friends had given me for potential stage performances. He, though , was not a friend. I told him I had an essay that required my attention, put my phone aside and began typing.

Half an hour later, DING!

“My girlfriend’s in the mood though. Do you want to have a threesome?”

I screamed. Literally.

I’d had a feeling this would be coming since he’d asked me if “Caramel” would share chocolates with his girlfriend. I’d thought it was a rather odd question but hadn’t cared enough to ask.

I declined the offer. He asked again.

I told him that I was in a monogamous relationship and was not at all keen on “riding the tricycle”. And still he asked again.

When I stopped replying I received a message that read: “Lol I thought you were bi?”

Now this was when I finally snapped. I took a deep breath, took screenshots for future reference, and argued with him more fervently than I did for the essay I was supposed to be writing.

Was I seething with anger? Yes. I’d made a mistake letting it slide when he called me Caramel, with its objectifying and sexualised undertones, but I can only be nice once and boy was I ready to bite back.

Bisexuals have been stereotyped time and time again—we’re “confused”, “greedy”, and nothing more than “sexual creatures” who have an insatiable thirst when it comes to relationships. We’re also seen as sexual objects to be used for the enjoyment of those in hetero relationships. These stereotypes are not only frustrating for any bi person, but are also harmful to the bi community as they minimise the challenges we face on a day to day basis, such as a lack of visibility and multiple forms of oppression. Furthermore, they contribute to the biphobia that exists in the realm of dating, in both heterosexual and LGBTQ+ communities.

So, ladies, gentlemen and non-binary folks, if there is anything that you should take away from this article and my experience, it’s this: JUST BECAUSE A PERSON IS BISEXUAL, DOES NOT MEAN THEY WANT TO GO DOWN ON BOTH YOU AND YOUR PARTNER.

It’s a common misconception about bisexuals and it’s definitely one I do not appreciate. Many people think bisexuals are “down for anything”, and some even assume that queer women are performing for the male gaze. But let me tell you a little secret: our bisexuality is about ourselves, and not for anyone else’s enjoyment or benefit.

Do some bisexuals enjoy threesomes? Heck yeah. You can bet on it.

But we’ll let you know if we’re interested.